Yoga

Anger poisons relationships

Anger is something we all experience. It is a powerful emotion that can be very destructive. I wonder if you feel anger in other situations besides in your relationship. Sometimes we feel angry because of something else in our life (such as job unsatisfaction, low self esteem, money stressors, kid problems, etc) and unknowingly we take our anger on the person closest to us. This is a defense mechanism called displacement. An example of this would be - a man having a hard day at work who comes home and kicks his dog or yells at his wife. He is not per se angry at neither one but they are there and he takes his anger on them (or rather displaces his anger onto them) Sometimes anger in relationships may occur because it is driven by things such as jealousy, sexual or personal unsatisfaction, or disappointments (or anything else).
What may help you find the answer to what causes the anger is to start keeping track of when you get angry- for instance is there a pattern? Then, try to see if there had been times when you felt those feelings (even the anger) and did not act out on them. How did you cope? What did you do? Then, try to replicate this when you start to feel angry. I think that it would also help if you talk to the other person honestly when you're not angry.
Acknowledging the fact that you get angry is a step in this process and it seems that you have done so. Remember that feelings like anything else in life are temporary but what we tell or do when angry may leave lasting effects on the other person. I think that we all are able to act and be the way we want to be if consciously we make that choice. Sometimes it helps to admit that we don't always have to be right, we don't always have to have the last say, and we are not in some kind of battle that we have to exert our energy through being angry. Life is here to present us with all kinds of disappointments, choices, heartaches and lessons and we're given the opportunity to make the best of it (or not) It's up to us. Ask yourself why am I angry and how is it hurting me? Then, step by step try to work with those emotions that evoke the anger. There may be different things that make people feel anger but that pattern is usually the same. It starts we thoughts, feelings, and then our emotions erupting. What thoughts lead to your feelings? What do you think before you get angry? Then find out if the things you think are really truthful. Some times we think things that are rubbish, they just fill our head with thought after thought. At other times our thoughts are signals to what is going on in our life and what may needs to change in order for us to be happier, healthier and more peaceful. Think before you feel like yelling, count to ten, take deep breaths and ask yourself what is going to be accomplished if I yell this time?

Copyright: Dr. Rossi Davis 2008

Vegan Thanksgiving Meals

As Plato had allegedly said "don't make your stomachs graves for animals" Eath healthy, stay healthy, keep other beings healthy and alive.

Expressing your feelings in a Relationship

Time after time people tell me that they have difficulty in communicating with their partner. Often, I help them see that at times not talking is a way of communicating something. If you are unclear of what your partner is trying to tell you, ask. Often times, not talking is still “talking” without words. In either scenario there is information that you receive because researchers say that 90% of what we communicate is done nonverbally. For instance, if at some point you have tried to express a certain concern to your partner and he or she rejected you, you may shy away from engaging in that specific topic for a while. Another person may react by becoming more forceful and vocal. This all depends on ones personality. In either situation, feelings are being expressed verbally or nonverbally. In the former it may be hurt, disappointment or shame. In the latter, it may be anger and frustration. Each of us is entitled to our own feelings. We all experience the world and the events around us subjectively. Nevertheless, bottling our feelings is not healthy. We may become resentful, disappointed and blame our partner for the way we feel. Remember that you have to claim what you feel because only you chose your feelings and what to do with them. When we enter into a conflict with another person, it is often times the result of two things: the first one is- we believe that the other person is trying to change us; and the second is that we are trying to change the other person consciously or unconsciously. The reason behind doing this is due to our belief that we will become more content, happy, and more in sync and satisfied and less stressed in our relationship. When we feel positive feelings we’re usually free of anxiety. It is in our nature to try and decrease unpleasant experiences. However, what we do not realize is that conflict arises when we fail to honor the other person’s autonomy. Arguments, fighting and miscommunication occur when we disregard the other person’s feelings, point of view and authentic self. During an argument, most likely, we believe that we are right and the other person is wrong. If we both agree on something we would not become argumentative. In many cases people fail to pick their battles. Does it matter who picked the mail the day before and who walked the dog in the evening? People become resentful and argumentative when they feel that their autonomy is in some way affected by the other person’s actions. Of course, what people chose to ignore is that no one; not even our partner is responsible for the way we feel.
We chose to react to certain situations based on our values, personality traits and desires amongst other factors. It is hard to admit that we are our own directors of our feelings. It is easier to point the finger especially when we are unhappy about something. For instance, often time partners blame each other because of what the other person in their opinion is failing to contribute to the relationship. In this situation, it is helpful to re-examine what made us commit to this person, what we liked about him or her, what things are we willing to get used to and how we both can grow closer together. Miscommunication and fighting naturally pull us apart from others not just our partners whom we hopefully love and feel a stronger bond with. Just think about the way you treat your partner or how you talk to him or her when you’re upset. Most likely we do not talk like that with others such as our boss, authorities, or our teachers. What on earth makes us think that it is acceptable to treat our partner that way?
A partner may get fixated on who started the argument. This is a very childish and unhealthy behavior. At times we yell and punish our partners. In an adult relationship partners should be equal. A sign of unhealthy relationship is when one partner is trying to assume a domineering role. Parents reprimand their children. Partners should work together to solve a problem. When one partner tries to assume the parent role, naturally the other will become more resistant. In this scenario, even if the other partner had a valid point, the way in which he or she tries to express it will hinder the process of communication. In a parent –child relationship the communication style is usually one way.
The parent is the deliverer of information and the child is the recipient (Parent  Child). In adult relationships, both partners should be able to express concerns and feelings (Partner Partner) with equal validation.
There are various verbal acts that we engage in with others in order to communicate our feelings and thoughts.
1. We ask questions – Can you please feed the pets today?
2. We agree or disagree – (express our opinion) – I don’t like this restaurant as much as you do.
3. We make promises to each other – I promise to help you clean the house this weekend.
4. We bargain (coerce) – If you help me wash the car, I will help you plant the flowers.
Excerpt from the audio book Couple's Communication Made Easy

Law of Attraction Part II

As promised here are my two cents about that (continuation from part I)
If anyone teaches that what you wish for comes true we'd all be rich and famous. You cannot just sit and cross your fingers and wish, and wish, and wish. Actually, you can but that is not what works. If you have a desire to get something in life wheat er it is a new job, a car, a partner etc, you will need to not only clarify that goal, you'd have to make the necessary steps to get that. Sometimes you do, sometimes you don't. When "The Secret" came out, I was not really surprised at how many people took that information and ran with it. I am a believer in the law of cause and affect. I believe that certain things are circumstantial and that some are reactions to some action(s) in the past. For instance, if someone hates you, perhaps you either did something to cause that or they are just a low life- you did nothing they are just a hateful person. I do believe that at times when you smile the world smiles back at you (of course if you do in the psych ward with all the institutionalized suicidal patients) that may not happen (don't blame it on karma or say that the law of attraction is not working) It is what it is.
Can the mind cure the body? Yes, in certain cases hypnosis is show to be beneficial in the removal of phobias, pain, rashes etc. Can the mind cure AIDS or cancer? I am not going to make that statement. When wide sound research shows that it does then I'd say yes it's possible. Do I believe that meditation is beneficial? Yes. Do I believe that you can be a slave to your mind when you get depressed or addicted to something? Yes. Can the mind move mountains (kind of- when a group of man with bulldozers and dynamite gets together and clears the path for a train rail to be placed) Use your mind constructively but don't think that wishing only will bring you your desires. Been there, done that!
Copyright: Dr. Rossi Davis

False Eyelashes - How to Apply

What is Love?

Neuroscientists and researchers tell us that the feelings of being in love and later on the cause of monogamous relationship to an extent are the result of various neurotransmitters in our brain. But what exactly is love? My husband once said to me that love can even be expressed in the simple act of buying expensive cookie dough for your spouse to make the cookies she likes, despite the fact that you do not like that specific kind of cookies. Many people define love as a strong feeling. The Bible mentions that: “God is love”. Is not love then a characteristic rather than a feeling? A characteristic people possess just like a skill; - to love or not to love. If so, is love innate or learned? Is love really eternal or can it disappear as fast as it comes? Some people say both. God is love, and those who live in union with the rest of the sentient beings are exercising the God spark within. Love is the beginning of wisdom by realizing our union with all of creation. Love is the melody of the heart which lulls you into serenity though hardships and fear. I think that love is not only a concept, but also an act. Perhaps a selfless one. If someone truly loves oneself, he will never hurt another. There is a difference between selfishness, self-centeredness, and selflessness. “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him.” I Corinthians 2:9
You cannot send out hatred, malice, and destruction and expect to receive love in return. We are gods. We are all connected. We are all One. What we send out of our inner Being comes back to us. When we send love, love is what we receive in return.
Excerpt from the book: Guru in Jeans: Iwanrd Journey to Psychospiritual Awakening