Intimacy, intimacy, intimacy

If we are not invested in our partner on an emotional level, we are not making love. To make love is to be connected on these two levels – emotional and physical. Staying connected only on a single level is to just have sex. Sometimes couples do not even realize that this is causing a problem in their relationship. Partners just know that something does not feel right. A true partnership functions as a union. This means that when you partner is depressed, stressed and discontent with something in his or her life that you find the time to attend to his or her needs. You do not just go to bed, have sex and fall asleep and then wake up and go on with the next day. When your partner’s experiences become your own concern, you will know what a true partnership is. Only then, you will find true intimacy and a fulfilling relationship. Find time to help with chores around the house. Do not read your newspaper or watch TV during dinner. Do not answer phone calls during times when the two of you are spending quality time. Find time to compliment each other. Do not neglect your appearance just because you’ve already found someone to be with. Take risks and try out new things together. Start paying closer attention to your partner’s emotional state. Break the monotony of your relationship by breaking off from your usual routine. Do not plan on being physically intimate only on weekends when you’re off. Make your partner feel desired through the week. Sex does not per se equate intimacy. For example, you may want to take your partner out to dinner on Wednesday and perhaps on Friday share physical intimacy. Try to keep things like this in your relationship unpredictable. This will take the pressure from both of you. Your partner will feel attended to and you will have less pressure to perform. Do not set a routine because as you know routines become boring. Routines are also influenced by the events in our life and we do not always have control of the external situations in life.
Use the following activity to brain storm some ideas of how to enhance your intimacy.
1. How can I become more attentive to my partner on an emotional level?

2. What do I need to do to show my partner that I really care about their emotionality?
3. How can I show more emotional affection to my partner?

Excerpt from: Couple's Communiation Made Easy (audio book)

Reasonable vs. Unreasonable Expectations in parenting

When a parent changes his expectations of the child, something great happens―there is a change in the outcome of behavior. Parents who are sensitive to the needs of their child are prone to having more reasonable expectations than those who merely react to their child’s behavior. Expectations that are clear and age appropriate are those that will most likely be met by the child. On the other hand, expectations that are either too high or age inappropriate will be unmet. For example, a parent who is allowing her twelve-year-old daughter to do her own laundry but fights with her to have her load the dishwasher is not having realistic expectations of the daughter. A father who expects his five-year-old son to do his baby sister’s laundry in addition to cleaning the bathroom every evening is expecting a bit too much from the child.
At times, parents who have not been actively present in the child’s life―for example, if the child was raised by extended family members, came from a foster home, or was raised primarily by the sole custodian or guardian―face issues they must address, and they may lack the tools to parent effectively.
This may be a common occurrence in situations where the child has suffered an illness for a prolonged period of time. It is not unusual for parents to try and rescue the child by trying to meet each of his needs. This is not helpful to the child because it does not allow him to develop a sense of age-appropriate autonomy and responsibility. In the long run, the parent will feel frustrated when the child does not meet the set expectations, and the parent will continue to do injustice to the youngster. An example is the case of the twelve-year-old girl from whom the parent expects only the minimum. In that scenario the daughter may grow up to be overly dependent on others and irresponsible. Correcting behaviors early in the child’s development is important in ensuring that the child develops moral and ethical healthy character. Children should be able to participate in family life by having on-going age-appropriate responsibilities.
Excerpt from: My Kid is Acting Out and I am about to shout: Effective Parenting Made Easy (audio book)