Sunday, April 12, 2009

How to Parent Without Losing Your Cool

How to Parent Without Losing Your Cool

You may feel angry, hurt or disappointed when the child misbehaves. Never the less, the need to remain composed, respectful and sensible are essential when you redirect or consequent him. There may be times when you’re depressed or tired and you want to withdraw instead of deal with a parenting situation. Do not let your load interfere with your parenting because it is ultimately all about the child and how you raise

Sensible Parent may expect more cooperation from the child because this parent is involved, conscientious and fair in his parenting. The Reactive Parent on the other hand will encounter more resistance and acting out from the child when he tries to discipline him. The more a parent is involved with the life of the child, the closer the rapport between the two. A close rapport between a child and a parent increases the chances of compliance by the child when the parent redirects him.

Children are quite aware when one or sadly both parents are disengaged from his life. Sometimes the child will resent following the directions given by the Reactive Parent and may say things like:
“Why should I listen to you? You never listen to me?”
“I don’t want to clean up my room now because you haven’t looked at my school report card and I have gotten all A’s”
At other times, the child may act out covertly and still send out the same message. He may ignore the parent’s directives as a way of showing the parent what it feels to be ignored. Younger children lack the proper verbal skills to express how they fee and will usually act out the way they feel.

A Sensible Parent will be able to pick up on the child’s verbal and non-verbal cues and will address the situation. The Reactive Parent will continue to discipline like he has done in the past and expect different results from the child. Unfortunately, like in any relationship, in parenting reciprocity is an essential component.
The Reactive Parent usually leaves it to the other parent to make all of the decisions and to discipline the child. (for more information on these parenting styles)

Excerpt from: My Kid is Acting Out and I am About to Shout: Parenting Made Easy (audio CD book)