Staying connected in your relationship

The hassles of every day life interfere with out relationships more often than we realize. We have difficulty always remaining objective and detached in situations we encounter at work, church and even among our immediate family. We bring our wounds home where we feel the safest. Sometimes our partner may not understand the stressors or acknowledge our feelings. In return, we may become detached and withdrawn in our own protective bubble. You may not even take the time to just be with your partner and enjoy each other’s company. Yes, you may eat dinner together and go to bed together but your mind and emotions are somewhere else. You wonder when this period end will mean while continuing to drift apart from each other. In a healthy partnership respect and honesty are key components. You will need to learn how open up and share your feelings. Your partner may feel bombarded with your woes but a part of growing together is being together. Being together is not manifested only physically. Being together means being able to be available to offer support to each other. Sometimes all a partner needs is to be heard and vent out in a safe environment with the person they trust the most – you- the other half. You must realize that your partner does not necessarily expect you to fix the problem but just listen and be present. Intimacy is an art that needs mastering. Often times, I hear partners complaining that after they have married, their life with each other has become somewhat of a routine and express disappointment that their partner appears to be somewhat disconnected and involved either in his or her work, hobbies and friend. It is as though the level of comfort has replaced each other’s company and pushed out of the way the affection that was once shared.
 Use the following activity to jot down some ideas on how to stay consistent in your relationship.
1. How can you make yourself more available to your partner?

2. What do you need from your partner when you feel most vulnerable?

3. How can you let your partner know that you need support?
4. ...(Liked what you've just read? Consider getting the book or making a donation)

Excerpt from : Couple's Communication Made Easy (audio book)

Intimacy in a relationship

To make love is to be connected on these two levels – emotional and physical. Staying connected only on a single level is to just have sex. Sometimes couples do not even realize that this is causing a problem in their relationship. Partners just know that something does not feel right. A true partnership functions as a union. This means that when you partner is depressed, stressed and discontent with something in his or her life that you find the time to attend to his or her needs. You do not just go to bed, have sex and fall asleep and then wake up and go on with the next day. When your partner’s experiences become your own concern, you will know what a true partnership is. Only then, you will find true intimacy and a fulfilling relationship. Find time to help with chores around the house. Do not read your newspaper or watch TV during dinner. Do not answer phone calls during times when the two of you are spending quality time. Find time to compliment each other. Do not neglect your appearance just because you’ve already found someone to be with. Take risks and try out new things together. Start paying closer attention to your partner’s emotional state. Break the monotony of your relationship by breaking off from your usual routine. Do not plan on being physically intimate only on weekends when you’re off. Make your partner feel desired through the week. Sex does not per se equate intimacy. For example, you may want to take your partner out to dinner on Wednesday and perhaps on Friday share physical intimacy. Try to keep things like this in your relationship unpredictable. This will take the pressure from both of you. Your partner will feel attended to and you will have less pressure to perform. Do not set a routine because as you know routines become boring. Routines are also influenced by the events in our life and we do not always have control of the external situations in life.
Use the following activity to brain storm some ideas of how to enhance your intimacy.


How can I show more physical affection to my partner?
What makes your relationship appear dull and predictable?
What can you do to liven up your intimacy?
What makes you fear intimacy?

Excerpt from : Couple's Communication Made Easy (audio book)

What is love (continuation...)

Psychologists have speculated whether feelings arise from our thoughts or whether our feelings generate thoughts. One plausible version is that thoughts produce feelings. When we focus on positive thoughts, our feelings change and as a result our actions reflect this in the outer world. A person has many thoughts during the course of the day. Some of our thoughts cause us to feel anxious, worried, peaceful or inpatient. Whatever the case is, the feelings we experience are the result of our own thoughts. If we put our energy into thinking how to help another sentient being, eliminate pollution in nature, or strive to evolve and connect with our inner wiser self, we would create a healthier atmosphere all around us. What we send into the universe comes back to us. The more love we send towards other sentient beings, the more love we will receive in return.
What we need to recognize is that love should be the driving force behind our growth, life, and aspirations. This is what the spiritual masters have taught through the ages. In Corinthians 13-8 we read, “Love is eternal.” God is eternal, which in turn translates to the well-known saying that God is Love.
Love is not a quality common and reserved only to humans. It is the essence of life. How can a person say that they love God but fail to love all of creation? We often hear that we have to love ourselves in order to love others. This does not come easy to some people because they have been wounded by others along their journeys, either psychologically, emotionally, or physically. Love therefore may be seen as another thing causing vulnerability. After all, no one wants to get hurt. When we withhold expressing love, we ultimately hurt ourselves in the long run.
The Master Beinsa Douno noted, “An intelligent man is a man who, even in the middle of the deepest darkness, can find the path that leads to God- the eternal and unchanging love in the universe.” In addition, the Dalai Lama points out that all sentient beings are equal. You can decide to love and be loved or continue to create unhealthy karmic patterns in your life. Freewill belongs to all of us and how we choose to exercise it is our responsibility. As we grow spiritually, we are able to recognize our uniqueness as well as our Oneness with all life forms. Sometimes we are scared of saying “I love you” because we fear that the other person may not say “I love you” back to us. Love is about giving freely without worrying about “what’s in for me”?

Excerpt from : Guru in Jeans: Inward Journey to Psychospiritual Awakening