Saturday, November 1, 2008

Comfort Zone in Relationships

We all have a comfort zone where we feel most secure and undisturbed. When we enter into a relationship with another person who also has a comfort zone of his or her own, we may suddenly feel that we’re losing our own. This may occur for several reasons. The first one is – what is comfortable to one person is not comfortable to the other. The second reason is – you have just started dating and you’re willing to make all sorts of sacrifices to please your partner. This of course wears off after a while and you’re left feeling out of place. Another reason is you yourself or your partner have children from a prior relationship and now you’re faced with parenting these children. So, what do you do in situations like these?
Well, some of the things people start to do unintentionally is to feel stressed out, inflexible and argumentative. They both then form a zone of its own kind that has nothing to do with comfort. For example, they create an atmosphere in which they attempt to cohabitate without disturbing the peace. Of course, this does not really work out because in order for a partnership to operate as a unit, each person must keep his or her autonomy. Partners become enmeshed with each other and lose their own comfort zone when they sacrifice their individuality to please the other. What they are left with eventually is a poorly defined personal boundaries. Respecting each others boundaries does not mean that you do one thing and your partner does another over and over again. At times however is necessary to enjoy doing the things you like to do with friends, co –workers, or others who share the same interests with you. It is unrealistic to think that just because you go to yoga class or your partner goes car racing that the two of you should always do things together.
Excerpt from Couple's Communication Made Easy Audio Book