Friday, January 9, 2009

My kid is acting out....

Children are quite aware when one, or sadly both parents, are disengaged from their lives. Sometimes a child will resent following the directions given by the reactive parent and may say things like:
“Why should I listen to you? You never listen to me!”
“I don’t want to clean up my room now because you did not look at my school report card, and I have gotten all As.”
At other times, the child may act out covertly but still send out the same message. He may ignore the parent’s directives as a way of showing the parent how it feels to be ignored. Younger children lack the proper verbal skills to express how they feel and will usually act out the way they feel.
A sensible parent will be able to pick up on the child’s verbal and non-verbal cues and will address the situation. A reactive parent will continue to discipline the child as in the past and expect different results, but unfortunately, like in any relationship, parenting reciprocity is an essential component.
The reactive parent usually leaves it to the other parent to make all of the decisions and to discipline the child while the other parent’s style of disciplining has a “hands-off” component. This parent is disengaged from parenting the child altogether and usually reacts only to the child’s misbehavior. In such a case, the child may learn to rely solely on the sensible parent and/or manipulate the reactive parent when the other parent is not around.
Try to have some regular quality time with your child as a family. When a child sees you as being engaged with him, he will be more willing to follow your directives and you will not be seen as just another adult trying to tell him what to do or not to do. Just buying your daughter the latest model Barbie, for instance, won’t make... (like what you've just read? Consider ordering the audio book or making a donation)
Excerpt from: My Kid is Acting Out and I am about to shout: Effective Parenting Made Easy (audio book)